Fear of  Success … the most cryptic block to success

If you were building a fire, would you pour water on it? Not if you knew that’s what you were doing. Many of us work on building our inspiration, motivation and passion (our fire) and then subconsciously douse it. The dousing is caused by fear of success, which is probably the most cryptic and prevalent fear that blocks success.

Here are four examples of the fear of success:

1. A 30-something entrepreneur says, “I don’t think my family [of origin] will accept me if I’m wealthy.”
2. A 15-year-old female swimmer was afraid to swim a senior national qualifying time, saying, “People’s expectations will just be so much higher. I don’t want the stress of higher expectations.”
3. A salesperson was afraid to have a really good year because, “They’ll raise my goals, and I don’t know if I can sell this much again.”
4. Hundreds of business executives I’ve talked with recently are constantly concerned about being successful in their business life and with their families. They see it as an either/or, black/white situation, “Either be successful at work or be successful with my family.” This used to be almost exclusively a female fear, but now it’s both male and female.

The setup for fear of success.

Success achieving one of your important goals (first goal) creates failure for another of your goals (second goal). Thus, either consciously, or subconsciously you sabotage your own success in accomplishing your first goal for fear of not being unsuccessful accomplishing your second goal.

Let’s review our examples.

1. The 30-something entrepreneur who didn’t think her family [of origin] would accept her if she were wealthy: One goal is being wealthy; the other goal is having her family’s love and acceptance. So she had a conflict with the belief that she could only either be wealthy or loved by her family. She resolved this with an imperfect, but effective, strategy. She created wealth but kept the knowledge of it from her family of origin.
2. The 15-year-old swimmer who was afraid to clock a time that would qualify her for senior nationals because she didn’t want people’s expectations to increase and cause her stress: One of her goals was to reach senior nationals, which is an incredible accomplishment for a 15-year-old; the National and Olympic teams are chosen from the senior national group. Her other goal was to just be a 15-year-old kid, hang out with friends, have fun and do the stuff that 15-year-old girls do. She was afraid that if she swam too well, she would have to go live and train at the Olympic training center and lose her childhood. She resolved this conflict with some in-depth work that resulted in her deciding to make senior nationals but, even if selected, not joining the national Olympic team until she wanted to.
3. The salesperson who was afraid to have a really good year because they’d raise his goals and he didn’t know if he could sell that much again: One of his goals was to make a lot of money, and the other goal was to meet his revenue target. So this type of fear of success also involved fear of failure, because if he had a really good year, he raised the expectation of how much he would sell, and he was afraid he would fail to meet the higher expectation in the subsequent year. He solved this with a process that resolved his fear of failure.
4. Business executives who are constantly concerned about being successful in their business and personal lives: One goal is career success, and the other is family success. Again, so many people see this as an either/or, black/white situation. The goal and resolution involve how to be successful at both. I’ve witnessed many solutions to this, and the one that overall greatly benefits everyone is learning to be completely present, in the now, wherever you are.

Overcome fear of success.

Fear of success results in anxiety, fear and underperformance. Here’s a good general approach to gaining control of the self-sabotage of fear of success: When you’re viewing a situation as an either/or conflict in which you can be successful accomplishing one goal, but need to fail at another to do so — slow down and fully commit to success in accomplishing both goals, ask for input from your most respected friends and colleagues to stimulate your innovative thinking. The solution is usually not obvious and takes creativity and a mindfulness to find. Don’t give up … keep committed to both goals … solutions evolve.

Leaders can be highly effective in all dimensions of life: business, personal and spiritual. If you want to overcome fear of success you may want to engage in coaching or purchase this great audio training, “Blast Through Fear”.

Fear of Success … the most cryptic of all fears.

If you were building a fire, would you pour water on it? Not if you knew that’s what you were doing. Many of us work on building our inspiration, motivation and passion (our fire) and then subconsciously douse it. The dousing is caused by fear of success, which is probably the most cryptic and prevalent fear that blocks success.

Here are four examples of the fear of success:

1. A 30-something entrepreneur says, “I don’t think my family [of origin] will accept me if I’m wealthy.”
2. A 15-year-old female swimmer was afraid to swim a senior national qualifying time, saying, “People’s expectations will just be so much higher. I don’t want the stress of higher expectations.”
3. A salesperson was afraid to have a really good year because, “They’ll raise my goals, and I don’t know if I can sell this much again.”
4. Hundreds of business executives I’ve talked with recently are constantly concerned about being successful in their business life and with their families. They see it as an either/or, black/white situation, “Either be successful at work or be successful with my family.” This used to be almost exclusively a female fear, but now it’s both male and female.

Here’s the setup for fear of success. Success achieving one of your important goals (first goal) creates failure for another of your goals (second goal). Thus, either consciously, or subconsciously you sabotage your own success in accomplishing your first goal for fear of not being unsuccessful accomplishing your second goal.

Resolving fear of success.

Let’s review our examples.

1. The 30-something entrepreneur who didn’t think her family [of origin] would accept her if she were wealthy: One goal is being wealthy; the other goal is having her family’s love and acceptance. So she had a conflict with the belief that she could only either be wealthy or loved by her family. She resolved this with an imperfect, but effective, strategy. She …

Tunnel vision the pre-event routine and focus of Jeremy Bloom, a three-time world-champion freestyle skier, NFL football player and successful entrepreneur. Bloom shares how he focused his mind to block out distractions in becoming a world-champion athlete now successful entrepreneur.

Different situations require a different types of focus. Tunnel vision focus, used by Jeremy Bloom to become a world-champion freestyle skier is the perfect type of focus for that type of event. Soft eyes with a broad view is the best focus when you need to take in a broader scope, or a lot of movement.

If you want to be a high-performer and are willing to work at it we may want to talk. If so, please click here.

What do you think of how Jeremy focuses? When is it a good focusing technique and when isn’t it? Look forward to your comments …

Build courage and confidence – resilience and mental toughness like a world-champion athlete.

Jeremy Bloom, a three-time world-champion freestyle skier, two-time Olympian, and now successful entrepreneur shares the mindset that helped him develop wold-class mental toughness (resilience)  and also, courage and confidence.

If you would like to develop a success mindset, like Jeremy Bloom did (it’s a learned process) click here for more information.

Your thoughts on Jeremy’s process …

In your corner,

Dr. TC North

Why stop negative thoughts? A new revelation.

If you’ve ever led a meeting or given a presentation, put yourself in my place for this story. What would you do as the meeting facilitator?

I was presenting to about 30 folks at a corporate retreat that combined a day of strategic planning with a day of confidence-building training. While teaching how to stop negative thoughts and replace them with positive thoughts, this lovely, 30-something, blond-haired, blue-eyed woman in a stunning, shiny black suit raised her hand. When I called on her, she stood up, put her hands on her hips, sighed deeply and loudly, and said, “TC, I don’t necessarily agree with you. I’ve been trying to lose weight for years. You know what I do? I stand naked in front of the mirror every day and say,