Everyone wants more confidence,
so why do we block its development?

Strengthening and weakening confidence is very complex, yet there’s one simple way to build it: openly accept compliments.

Hardly anyone fully takes in compliments. I catch myself blocking compliments often, and I teach this stuff. Blocking compliments runs deep in our culture and starts at a really young age.

For example, one day I was driving my 5-year-old daughter Chelsea home from kindergarten and I wanted to give her a compliment. I had been teaching her for some time to receive them when they were given, because I could see that compliments were just bouncing off her little body like super balls off concrete.

So I said, “Chelsea, I’m going to give you a compliment.” When I did, she raised her hand to her heart, closed her thumb and forefingers together and mimicked unzipping a zipper. When I asked what she was doing, and she said, “Dada, I am opening my heart.” I had a rush of emotion and my eyes welled with tears.

After I gave her the compliment, she raised her hand to her heart again and made the zipping motion in the opposite direction. When I asked again what she was doing, she said, “Dada, I am zipping my heart back up.” This time, the emotional rush overcame me and tears rolled down my cheeks. At only 5 years old she had already learned to close up and protect herself!

I bet you’ve been through a lot of emotional experiences in your life and you are pretty good at protecting your heart. Next time you receive a compliment, ask yourself, Do I want to block another compliment, or do I want to build my confidence. If you want to build your confidence, unzip your heart and fully take it in?

Compliments build your courage, confidence, self-esteem
and self-image … if you let them in.

Please leave your thoughts and comments and I look forward to the conversation.

Dr. TC North

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