The Making of a GIANT
Think BIG Like Twink

Mind-set — how you think — can change your reality. Some people believe this; others don’t. You decide. When I was younger, a little girl gave me a male kitten whom she’d named Twinky (she thought he was a girl). Remember the Johnny Cash song about a boy named Sue who struggled to prove himself a man? Like the boy named Sue, Twinky must’ve been deeply emotionally scarred by his name (how’s that for a little feline psychoanalysis)? Twinky only weighed about 12 pounds but thought he was bigger and tougher than anything alive. In his mind, he was a GIANT.

How’s that for politically incorrect?! Let me explain. When I was in undergraduate school, I had the privilege of studying behavioral psychology from Dr. James Johnson, who’d been a student of BF Skinner, the father of behavioral psychology. Behaviorism was a very new and exciting field, and I loved it. Dr. Johnson had become a mentor to me because I’d worked very closely with him teaching the developmentally disabled kids whom he loved. At the end of my last independent study with him, I went to his office to turn in my final paper. I waited while Don, another student, turned in his paper. Don’s was handwritten, as was mine (yes, this was way before computers). Dr. Johnson accepted Don’s paper with a smile. “Thanks,” he said, and Don left.

One comment changed my life … forever.

We often wish we could have a more positive influence on others (if you’ve ever coached, managed employees or raised teenagers — or if you’re a kid living with your parents — I’ll bet you get this)! There are ways to say things that will increase their positive impact. Here’s an example of how one amazing comment changed my life.

Dr. North’s Creed …
Be present.
Tell the truth.
Play to win.
Don’t be attached to the outcome.

The last two posts focused on being present, and on telling the truth as the first half of my personal creed. This week focuses on the third part of the creed: Play to win.

Playing to win may seem self-evident, but often people play not to lose. Ever done that? I think most of us have; it takes more courage to play to win than to play not to lose. It could be a small thing such as choosing the color to paint a room (which my wife and I just did). Do you take a chance with a bold color that could be either stunning or awful, or do you go with the safe bet? We played to win, and we now have a stunning red room!

Everyone wants more confidence,
so why do we block its development?

Strengthening and weakening confidence is very complex, yet there’s one simple way to build it: openly accept compliments.

Hardly anyone fully takes in compliments. I catch myself blocking compliments often, and I teach this stuff. Blocking compliments runs deep in our culture and starts at a really young age.

For example, one day I was driving my 5-year-old daughter Chelsea home from kindergarten and I wanted to give her a compliment. I had been teaching her for some time to receive them when they were given, because I could see that compliments were just bouncing off her little body like super balls off concrete.

So I said, “Chelsea, I’m going to give you a compliment.” When I did, she raised her hand to her heart, closed her thumb and forefingers together and mimicked unzipping a zipper. When I asked what she was doing, and she said, “Dada, I am opening my heart.” I had a rush of emotion and my eyes welled with tears.

After I gave her the compliment, she raised her hand to her heart again and made the zipping motion in the opposite direction. When I asked again what she was doing, she said, “Dada, I am zipping my heart back up.” This time, the emotional rush overcame me and tears rolled down my cheeks. At only 5 years old she had already learned to close up and protect herself!

I bet you’ve been through a lot of emotional experiences in your life and you are pretty good at protecting your heart. Next time you receive a compliment, ask yourself, Do I want to block another compliment, or do I want to build my confidence. If you want to build your confidence, unzip your heart and fully take it in?

Compliments build your courage, confidence, self-esteem
and self-image … if you let them in.

Please leave your thoughts and comments and I look forward to the conversation.

Dr. TC North

Discipline gets a bad rap because it’s often thought of as abusive, something to fear. Abusive discipline (think beaten with a stick) and self-abusive discipline (vicious self-berating) are abusive and should be feared.

But there’s also self-discipline: doing what you commit to do, when you say you will do it. Self-discipline is critical to make your goals your reality. Some entrepreneurs, salespeople, athletes and network marketers have wonderful goals but not much self-discipline — they don’t become high performers. Goals without self-discipline is a wish list.

Every Olympic athlete, elite entrepreneur and top salesperson I know has very high self-discipline. One former Olympic athlete turned real estate agent was earning about $500,000 a year when he asked me to help him “…clean out anything that is blocking my success.” He was so devoted to this that he committed to driving four hours to my office, working deeply for five hours and then driving home again. That’s 13 hours he committed to spend each time we worked together! This man’s self-discipline allowed him to easily create emotional and financial freedom and success.

“Discipline is the bridge between goals and accomplishments.”
— Jim Rohn, author and motivational speaker

Please leave your thoughts and comments, I look forward to the conversation.

Dr. TC North